Marriage is a journey filled with beautiful moments as well as difficult challenges. It’s the relationship where the most joy and pain can be felt. Sustaining this intimate partnership requires adaptability, patience, effort, forgiveness, and lots of grace from both partners. Whether you’re just starting your journey together or looking to reignite the spark, building a strong foundation for a healthy marriage is crucial for lasting happiness.

Beloe are actionable steps to strengthen your marriage, from communication techniques to tips on intimacy and conflict resolution. You may even get a few of our own stories. Things we did right and wrong. Let’s lay the groundwork for a relationship that not only survives but thrives.

Communication: The Cornerstone of Every Relationship

Effective communication in marriage is at the heart of any strong marriage. Studies have found that couples who practice open communication and active listening tend to report higher relationship satisfaction. (1) Here’s how you can improve this essential skill:

• Active Listening: Listening without judging or interrupting may help your partner feel heard and valued.

• Use “I” Statements: Starting with “I feel” instead of “You always” can reduce defensiveness.

• Regular Check-Ins: Schedule time weekly or be intentional to discuss feelings, challenges, and dreams. This is a challenge with a house full of kids and a nusy schedule. We feel it too!

• Non-Verbal Cues: Most of the time, your body language speaks louder than your words. Be intentional to use open body language and eye contact to show your partner your plugged in.

Tip: Practicing effective communication in marriage can help prevent misunderstandings, create a deeper emotional connection, and reinforce trust over time.

Conflict Resolution: How to Handle Disagreements Effectively

Every relationship encounters conflict. Some are minor disagreements and some are jumbo sized disconnectors. How you handle these moments can reveal the health of your marriage. Effective marriage conflict resolution can turn an “intense moment of fellowship” (lol)  into an opportunity for growth, connection, and deeper intimacy.

• Identify Triggers: Finances, parenting styles, in-law relationships, and trauma (childhood and relational) are common sources of conflict. We have experienced all of these!!

• Healthy Disagreements: Instead of avoiding conflict, practice constructive communication techniques like taking turns to speak, staying calm, and respecting each other’s views. Oh this is hard. Factor in your attachment styles and this is a really tough area.

• Seek Help When Needed: Professional support, such as marriage counseling, can be beneficial for ongoing conflicts or particularly difficult issues. We have spent a lot of time in a therapist office. Both marital and individual sessions. We are huge supporters of everyone seeing a therapist.

Experts suggest that couples who learn to resolve conflicts without anger or resentment have stronger relationships. (2) Effective conflict resolution creates understanding, respect, and resilience within the marriage.

Trust: Building and Rebuilding the Foundation of Trust in a Marriage

In my opinion, trust is the most critical component of a healthy and strong relationship. It’s difficult to build true intimacy, emotional safety, or long-term stability without trust. Here’s how to nurture and maintain trust in your relationship:

• Be Consistent: Small, consistent actions—like following through on promises—build a solid foundation.

• Transparency: Honest communication about feelings, even difficult ones, promotes a culture of openness and vulnerability.

• Rebuilding Trust: If trust has been broken, it takes an ongoing commitment from both partners to rebuild. This process requires transparency, vulnerability, forgiveness, and time. A licensed therapist can help you walk through this process. From experience, don’t try it alone!

Rebuilding trust after a major breach—such as infidelity—requires patience and a commitment to transparency from both partners. I can speak personally to this. 

We have been walking the road of restoration for years. After my marital unfaithfulness, our world imploded. The journey has been brutal, but we are both committed to working toward restoration. This required us to become very vulnerable and transparent as we worked to rebuild trust. Kasey says, “Trust is earned in drops and lost in buckets.” It’s possible that trust can be rebuilt!  

Intimacy and Emotional Connection

When most of us hear intimacy, we think of physical connection…mostly sex. However, intimacy is more than physical connection; it’s also about emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and experiential bonds. Marriage requires intimacy in all its forms. Here’s how to keep that connection alive:

• Emotional Intimacy: Take time to share your thoughts, feelings, dreams, and fears with your spouse. 

• Physical Connection: Regular physical intimacy, even small gestures like holding hands, can deepen your bond.

• Intellectual and Experiential Intimacy: Explore new activities, hobbies, or shared goals to continue growing together.

• Maintaining intimacy isn’t always easy—especially with busy schedules and family obligations. But by prioritizing these aspects, you can sustain a close connection over the years.

Keeping the Spark Alive: How to Rekindle Romance in Marriage

As your relationship evolves over the years, it’s important to keep the romance alive. We are not the same people we were when we got married. We’ve had a lot of life happen in the last 25+ years. Even for couples that have not gone thorugh the huge challenges we have, life and marriage are tough. Here are some ideas to help you keep the spark:

• Creative Date Nights: Schedule regular date nights to enjoy each other’s company without distractions. We are huge believers in having date nights as often as possible. Sure, there are some weeks we just can’t, but we know that on the vast majority of Sundays we will be alone on our weekly date night.

• Surprises and Thoughtful Gestures: Small surprises or thoughtful notes show appreciation and keep the romance fresh. 

I make Kasey’s coffee every day and leave her a note to start her day with. It’s the little things that add up over time! Just be careful! I left a but of a spicy note in one of our kids lunchboxes thinking Kasey would be the one to read it at homeschool group. Nope. The teacher started to help our daughter read it because they thought it was a not for her. 

• Shared Experiences: Trying something new together, like a cooking class or a hike, creates bonding moments and strengthens your connection.

• Even small efforts can make a big difference. Romance doesn’t have to fade with time; with effort, it can grow and evolve in meaningful ways. 

Here is the thing, both spouses need to bring something to the table. Yes, there may be times that one spouse carries the load because of life circumstances; however, it’s not sustainable long term. You both need to be bought in on pouring into each other. Both partners need to be romanced and made to feel special.

Balancing Family Life and Marriage

Have you ever felt like one of the biggest challenges in your marriage is balancing family life? What about after having kids? That’s tough! A successful marriage requires couples to set boundaries and prioritize their relationship over their parenting and other responsibilities.

Maintaining a healthy balance between family life and your relationship requires a commitment to each other and clear boundaries that allow for uninterrupted  time.

Commitment and Growing Together Over Time

A successful marriage is not just about staying together through the years but growing closer together over time. Couples who support each other’s personal growth and share common goals tend to be more satisfied.

• Personal Growth: Encourage each other’s personal interests and support individual growth. Remember your way of gowing personally may not work for you partner. Don’t pressure them into growth. Encourage and root for them. Be their biggest cheerleader.

• Shared Goals: Set mutual goals, whether they’re related to finances, health, or travel. This can help you feel like you are working towards a common destination. 

• Navigating Changes Together: From career changes to empty nest syndrome, life is filled with transitions. Face them as a team, I think about when our oldest went away to college. We were so happy for her and personally so sad. We came together and relied on each other to adjust to the transition. 

Commitment goes beyond being physically present; it’s about actively engaging and evolving together. Commitment doesn;t require vulnerability and emotiuonal connection. Don’t just be committed, be active with each other in your commitment.

Conclusion: The Journey to a Lasting, Fulfilling Marriage

Building a strong and lasting marriage is a never0ending journey that requires dedication, patience, love, and forgiveness. From effective communication to prioritizing intimacy and trust, each of these elements contributes to the foundation of a healthy marriage. 

Want a fulfilling marriage? It doesn’t happen by chance—it’s a partnership built on mutual respect, shared values, and the willingness to grow together through life’s difficult challenges.

If you focus on these pillars you can create a strong, lasting marriage that is a source of joy, strength, support, and inspiration for you both. A connected and satisfying relationship is possible! Don’t throw the towel in on wanting the most for your marriage. It’s worth the hard work!!

1. Responsive Listening in Long Married Couples, Journal of Non Verbal Behavior, 1999, https://bpl.studentorg.berkeley.edu/docs/59-Responsive%20listening99.pdf
2. How We Used the Afermath of a Fight to Repair our Relationship, Bensen, 1/2019, https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-we-used-the-aftermath-of-a-fight-to-repair-our-relationship/#:~:text=If%20you%20don’t%20process%20these%20conflicts%2C%20then,each%20other%20like%20two%20ships%20without%20anchors.&text=In%20the%20Love%20Lab%2C%20John%20Gottman%20noticed,build%20a%20relationship%20as%20strong%20as%20steel.